Shannon

Shannon 28 yrs, my youngest son, has profound cerebral palsy. He loves his keyboard, music, thinks vehicles of any type have been put on this earth expressly for his enjoyment and prefers the outdoors. He lives in community housing within the town he was born, along with three friends and wonderful carers. He attends day options each day.

My heart breaks at not being able to see him very often. The town that best serves his needs makes me very ill.

A couple of hours there and I'm useless to anyone. This is when I hate my condition the most. It was a great shock to me when I had to admit that I won't be able to visit him as often as I intended after moving down from Cairns. When I was well, I used to fly down three times a year, pick him up and we'd head off somewhere together for a couple of weeks.

It was devastaing to have to place him in full time care in the first place. He'd become too strong for me. He used to almost choke me when he gave me hugs... Arms around my neck, he'd pull me into his shoulder and hug me really tight. It'd block my wind-pipe. When he was small I could just reach around and unlock his hands but as he grew, his arms became so long and I couldn't reach back to his hands.

One morning my friend from across the road happened to walk straight into my house and found me almost out of it and was able to unlock Shan's hands for me. It was uncanny. She never walked in without knocking but this morning she did, thank god...which was when I was told that it was too dangerous to keep him home as it was just the two of us by then, (Dion and Corey were off about their lives, after me 'pushing' them out the door and the boys father had taken off when they were little) and it had occured three times in all, thankfully I was able to get away the other two times. It took another 4 years before I could bring myself to let go of Shan.

To keep myself from going and getting him home again all of the time, which was doing neither of us any good, I was burnt out and he was confused, I moved to Cairns totally shattered. After 6 months of burn out and total despair, I pulled myself together enough to get a job during the days at the Cairns Special School and worked nights as a chef at the Taj, (Indian), resturant, so I didn't have any spare time to think. This seemed to do the trick and after two years of this I was able to stop working nights.

By the time I became ill, which actually began with three different mosquito bourne viruses, Ross River, Glandular and Barmer Forest, one after the other which shot my immune system to pieces and left me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I had left the Special Ed. system, ( due to injuries aqquired over years of working with the disabled including Shan), and had moved across to oncology where, over a period of 4 years I got the Multi Chemical Sensitivities which resulted in being bed ridden for years and putting a stop to any flights to see Shannon. After not seeing him for another 4 years, I was suicidal and obviously something had to be done to change the situation. With my condition worsening my specialist said I had to move near the ocean where I the sea air can help me heal. Hence moving back to S.A. so I could be nearer to Shannon. The other kids can all come to us, if they chose but Shanni doesn't have a choice, so I was going nowhere else. I was happier than I'd been in years so, as stated above, it was a BIG shock to realise I wouldn't be seeing him as often as I thought I would. Back into the dolldrums I shrank for months, then thought, at least I'm in the same state and not at the opposite end of Oz and I do get to see him more than when I was in Cairns, just not as much as I want to.

Shannon is very happy with his life...I am the one who despairs at the situation. He is over 6 feet tall and is such a gentle young man. I love my three young men to distraction.

This pic was taken in 2004.